Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
foreskin is a definite game changer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
