i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
