I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
