Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
