she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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