nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
