Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize