my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
