I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My life is pants optional.
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