I cannot find my penis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
