Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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