I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
