Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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