i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
