I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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