just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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