he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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