So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
