Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
