Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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