Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize