they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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