Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
