My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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