We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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