I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
