Don't make out with my wife yet
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
