Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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