Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize