Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
