i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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