he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
