haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
