We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
