You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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