Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
