I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
