Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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