Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
