Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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