I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
