My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
