She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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