guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
