after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
