Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
