You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
