You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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