I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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