Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
