hotel room ftw
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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