If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
and you fell through a lawn chair
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
