I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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