Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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