Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she told me i tasted like america
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
