pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize