I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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