I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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