I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
