Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
