At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you had me at cake vodka
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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