Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize