we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
