He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
