Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
