oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
