I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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