you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
