roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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