oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
