yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
