Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
honey bunches of taint.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize