You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
