Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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