It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
