im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
