I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
