I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
