he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize