so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
