I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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