i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
