she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
