come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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