i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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