i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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