And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
