There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
