If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
