Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
