just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
