I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
