Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
honey bunches of taint.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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