Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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