Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
