I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had sex on a roof
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
