I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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