I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
