I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
