Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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