Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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