he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
