Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
