I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
