My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
