is wine microwaveable?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
where are you?
Hypothermia
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
