So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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