i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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